How can I hide my negative feelings?

Controlling emotions: dealing with negative feelings

For many people, it is difficult to deal with negative feelings in a constructive manner. But how can you control emotions? Can you learn to deal with negative feelings? Read for yourself ...

Negative feelings / emotions

Some feel helplessly exposed to negative feelings / emotions - they cannot control their emotions.

Dealing with emotions and their control is part of the area of ​​social skills that can be learned and changed. We can get to know our feelings, reflect on them and cultivate them in such a way that they benefit us rather than harm us.

Also, think of negative feelings as a force or source of motivation that can be used for the benefit or harm of yourself and others. Learn to deal constructively with negative feelings.

In the following I want to describe what you can do to learn to deal appropriately with negative emotions - especially anger, aggression, anger and anger.

Controlling Emotions: Four Basic Types of Dealing with Emotions

Observations of how people encounter their feelings (regardless of which) can be divided into four groups or types:

Mindful people

They perceive their own feelings and moods and have various strategies available to deal with them constructively. They often have a positive outlook on life, are self-confident and know their limits. With a well-developed competence, you are able to cope with negative emotions.

People overwhelmed by feelings

This type of person regularly feels helpless in their feelings. Due to the frequent experience of a sudden and violent change in mood, he is convinced that he cannot do anything about it, which in turn means that he does not do anything about it.

He sees himself as a slave to his mood, because he is suddenly and apparently unexpectedly overwhelmed by his feelings. In fact, however, it is mostly due to a lack of mindfulness to perceive emerging waves of emotions as they arise and to act accordingly.

People who accept their feelings

This guy perceives his feelings, even in the development phase. But nothing is done to change feelings. The more positive person of this type sees no reason to change his feelings. The more negatively minded person of this type suffers from certain moods, but he still remains passive.

People who have a very poor emotional life

This guy hardly feels any feelings. He has learned to ignore feelings. He is rather indifferent to life with all its facets. Therefore, there are no ups or downs for him. His life is like a slow, monotonous, passing river.

Negative feelings: dealing with aggressive feelings

All feelings have the common characteristic that they give us strength and energy to do something. Therefore, the behavior of the last-named type of person is not a real alternative, because he cuts himself off from his feelings and thus from his joy in life. This guy would have to learn to perceive and appreciate his feelings.

How the power of feelings is used varies greatly. People types two and three in particular have poor or no strategies for dealing with negative emotions in a meaningful way.

Above all, anger, anger, aggression and anger occupy a special position among the negative emotions. They are considered seductive because they give us very convincing reasons to let them run free. All forms of aggression can be stimulated, maintained and increased very well. Therefore, most people find it difficult to adequately control them.

Let's take a fictional example to see that anger can very easily turn into anger.

Imagine that you have a date with a friend. You took extra time to meet with him because he urgently asked you to. So you sit in a café and wait, but your boyfriend doesn't come. You keep checking your watch because you actually still have a lot to do and not really time.

You look at your cell phone after 15 minutes, but it hasn't left you a message. Then you try to call him, but nobody answers - only the mailbox switches on. You keep getting nervous until you get angry. Your boyfriend has kept you waiting, so don't think straight away that something may have happened to him. You are more likely to think that he is taking advantage of your good nature, as has happened in the past. You remember long-gone and nerve-wracking situations. You get mad.

How dare he make me wait again now? We've talked about it so many times. Why doesn't he just call and let me know? " You notice your high pulse, you start to sweat and you can no longer sit still. After an hour he finally appears and pretends nothing has happened. They are bursting with anger and yelling at him ...

To learn strategies to deal with strong negative feelings

The above example clearly shows that it is very easy to get into it to the point of anger. But that doesn't happen by itself! You actively do something for it, namely allow corresponding thoughts and images. They basically pour fuel on the fire.

Mindfulness of negative feelings

This brings us to a very basic ability to deal with anger, anger or other forms of aggression. We are talking about mindfulness, i. H. to observe and observe the emergence of aggression. If you practice this, you will have many more opportunities to direct your emotions in advance, i.e. before the emotions become very strong. Once the anger is there, it is much more difficult.

What exactly is meant by mindfulness and how mindfulness can be trained can be found in the following article "Social skills mindfulness: reduce stress through mindfulness!"

Mindfulness is the prerequisite for the following strategies to deal with feelings.

Defusing the self-generated chain of thought

The beliefs that fuel our anger need to be changed. It's easy to say, but it's not that difficult if you notice the development of your chain of thoughts early enough. In the example above, an interruption should be made after a quarter of an hour at the latest (when you notice that you are getting nervous and think about what else you have to do).

Make a note of not waiting more than a quarter of an hour. Leave a message on your friend's cell phone or at the operator. It may be that something really happened to him or that he finally has to learn a lesson that is very important for your friendship. This is only a sketch that changes one's own beliefs, i. H. in this example can be steered in a solution-oriented direction.

Get away from negative feelings

This strategy also works very well for dealing with very strong emotions. Get out of the situation. This can be It can be useful, for example, if you have gotten stuck in an argument and are still "boiling with anger". If you go away, you can cool off before you take action that you later feel sorry for.

Men in particular like to drive their cars, but that's not a good idea. In such a condition, it is better and safer to take a walk or bike ride on dirt roads. In any case, exercise is a good strategy to cool off.

Breathing calmly or other relaxation techniques

Who z. B. pays attention to calm your breath, to breathe deeply into your stomach, you will also be able to calm yourself mentally by loosening your cramped body.

Many people have forgotten how to breathe into their stomach - they practice so-called shallow breathing. But correct abdominal breathing can be learned again very easily. If you want to know how abdominal breathing and the associated calming of the breath work, you should read the following article: Breathing technique: Correct abdominal breathing.

Psychological trick: Smile, d. H. pull the corners of your mouth apart and upwards as you would when laughing. This stimulates nerves at the end of the corners of the mouth, which simulate the brain that you are laughing and feeling joy.

The brain reacts by releasing "happiness hormones" because it lets itself be fooled by the position of the mouth. Hold this artificial smile for about 2 minutes, then you can see that your negative emotions are already changing / decreasing.

Do what you enjoy

These can of course also be physical activities, but other activities that are fun also work. Who z. B. likes to listen to music, can experiment with it profitably. Perhaps there are also very specific pieces of music that bring you "back to the ground".

Write down thoughts about negative feelings

This method can also work very well. You write your anger from your soul and then have the opportunity to question the associated beliefs and subject them to an examination or reflection.

Change your perspective and ask yourself what positive intentions are behind your negative feelings. For example, behind an anger (when arriving late) there can be a need for reliability, mutual helpfulness, joy in spending time with others, etc.

Remember: people are much easier to respond to positive intentions than to "attacks". So tell the other person what you want and not what you “don't want”. Instead of complaining, describe the desire behind the meeting, what is important to you and why reliability is a high value for you.

This gives the other person the opportunity to understand you instead of just “feeling bad”.

Strong aggressive feelings primarily harm you

Make this fact clear to yourself. With strong overwhelming feelings, you are not doing anything positive, on the contrary - you are only harming yourself. Also, avoid anger about anything that you cannot change (e.g. anger at a reckless driver).

Express your anger when you decide and when it can do something positive in the future. Associated with this is the appropriate expression of anger, but not uncontrolled outbursts of anger.

The annoying thing about annoying is
that one harms oneself,
without changing anything
what you get angry about.

Understanding and long-term prospects

Keep in mind that it can take a long time to instill confidence and positive feelings in a partnership or friendship, but one outburst of anger can call everything into question. If a person is to change behavior, he needs positive incentives - motivation that another behavior improves something in life.

If, in your opinion, a person should change their behavior, think for yourself about what such “positive behavior” looks like. Many people only know what they do not like, but do not know what alternatives are available.

If you cannot answer the question, "What should XY do to make me respond happily in this situation?" Then you should check whether your anger is related to yourself or to another situation. You may find that you are in a bad mood because you hardly slept that night and are completely exhilarated and overtired. So it makes sense to dramatize a different situation and use it as an outlet. That would be a shame, because it doesn't help anyone.

Good luck in dealing constructively with negative feelings!

Cassandra B.